


Failure's Reward

by queen_scribbles



Category: Shepherds of Haven - Lena Nguyen
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27023491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_scribbles/pseuds/queen_scribbles
Summary: Who knew failing a mission could turn out so well?
Relationships: Main Character/Red Antiqua
Kudos: 2





	Failure's Reward

**Author's Note:**

> Very, very light, vague spoilers for chapter three. Like, it gets mentioned in passing.

Xaeryn was not used to failing.

Between her intellect, magical talent, and various other skills, she succeeded at what she attempted far more often than not. _‘Even the best of us feel the sting of defeat from time to time_ ,’ Archmage Tevanti had reassured her once, a fatherly hand on her shoulder, when one of her earliest attempts at divination had left her with little more than a headache. He was right, of course, but it had been a long time since Xaeryn felt that sting. And never quite so close to literally.

True, the attempted ambushers were all dead. But they’d put up enough of a fight it didn’t really feel like a victory. The room was a wreck, curtains still smoldering around the broken windows, the artifact she and Red were supposed to be transporting was smashed to bits, and the two of them had hardly escaped unscathed.

“So much for throwing off potential pursuit by staying here rather than in town,” Red muttered, giving a mirthless chuckle as he crouched to look more closely at the shattered artifact. He nudged a few of the pieces with one hand, his other--wrist already swelling and likely broken--curled in close.

“Yeah,” Xaeryn grunted through clenched teeth, surveying the mess made of their intended lodgings. _At least the house was abandoned.._. “They knew what they were doing, I’ll give them that.”

Red stiffened at the taut edge to her voice. He turned from his examination of fragmented crystal and clay even as he pushed to his feet, then blanched when he saw her; barely standing with the wall’s support, one hand clutching her side in a futile effort to stem the blood soaking her shirt. “Shit, _Xaeryn_!”

“That bad?” she tried to joke as he crossed the room in just a few swift strides. She winced at the small cuts just above his eyebrow trailing blood down the side of his face, at the way he was holding his arm. But he clearly only had eyes or care for one thing right now, and it wasn’t any of his own injuries. “Doesn’t... nngh. Doesn’t feel like much...”

“Ryn...” Red tugged on her hand and she tipped it away from her side to let him see. “Yes, it’s that bad. _**Shit**_.” His hand fell away and he stepped back.

“It’s just a scratch,” Xaeryn mumbled, clamping her hand back over the stinging wound, for all the good it was doing. _Sun above, hope it’s not poisoned...  
_

“Ryn, I could see bone,” he informed her, running his good hand through his hair as he started pacing. It stayed in sweat-matted red spikes. “That’s more than a scratch. And neither of us knows a damn thing about healing, regular or magical-”

“Red.” She’d only seen him get this wound up a few times over the course of their friendship. While it made sense it would happen on an adrenaline crash, she needed him _thinking_ , not _babbling_.

Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to hear her. “-we’re miles out from town, so there’s no help close by-”

“ _Red_.” Xaeryn straightened slightly, sending a fresh trickle of blood oozing between her fingers and spots freckling the edges of her vision. She couldn’t help a faint, small smile watching him pace an uneven path between the smashed furniture and bodies strewn over the floor.

“Come to think of it, we only have cursory knowledge of the town in general, since we weren’t planning to actually stop there.” Red made another swipe through his hair, leaving it an even spikier mess. “We don’t know what kind of aid they could even provide, their attitude toward Diminished, any of that.”

“ _ **Red**_.”

He swung back toward her without a pause in his rambling. “I’m sorry, Xaer, this seemed like such a good idea-”

His pacing brought him closer to her again, and rather than continue her previous efforts, Xaeryn reached out, grabbed a fistful of his shirt collar, and dragged him into a kiss.

There was the barest split second flinch in shock as his good hand instinctively braced against the wall to keep from full tilt stumbling into her, then Red was kissing her back. Desperate and gentle and awkward and wonderful all at the same time. Until they broke for air.

 _...Wow._ Xaeryn saw the half-formed question on Red’s lips and answered before he asked. “You needed to shut up and breathe for a minute so you don’t... don’t pass out,” she teased through a grimace, grip still white-knuckle in the collar of his shirt.

Red gave an unsteady, breathless laugh. “That seems a counter-productive way to go about i-”

She kissed him again, deeper, her hand moving from his collar to curve against his jaw. “ _That_ was just because I’ve been wanting to do it forever.”

He laughed again, sheepish mischief in his eyes, and whispered “Ditto,” as his thumb brushed gentle arcs against her cheek.

Xaeryn blinked and pulled back as his meaning hit her, stopping just before her head met the wall. “Wait, _what_?!” The sharpness of the motion sent a fresh spike of pain tearing through her injury and she sucked in a harsh breath.

Red pressed his hand over hers where it gripped her bloody side. “Let’s maybe have this conversation when you’re not bleeding to death, Xaer?”

“See this is why I needed you thinking instead of panicking,” she muttered wryly through clenched teeth. “You’ve always been the smart one.”

“Now I _know_ you’re in bad shape, you’d never admit that out loud otherwise,” he joked, but he was still pale and his gaze worried as he looked at the stain spreading from under their hands.

“Wouldn’t want you to get an ego,” Xaeryn said with a shaky laugh at the sheer absurdity of the idea, unsure if her head was spinning from blood loss and pain or the warmth of his hand over hers and the fact she’d (finally) _kissed him. Probably all of the above._.. “We need something to actually put pressure on this, stop the bleeding...”

“Right.” Red slipped his hand from over hers with obvious reluctance, absently wiping the blood off on his shirt as he scanned the room for something serviceable. “Here.” He snatched up a shirt from where his pack’s contents had been strewn across the floor during the fight, did his best to fold it one-handed.

Xaeryn caught the wince he tried to hide when his injured wrist brushed the bedpost. He succeeded in folding the shirt just as she opened her mouth to offer help, however, so instead she peeled her hand away from the deep gash to give him access. The movement pulled her shirt with it and a whimper escaped before she could bite it back.

Red flinched. “Sorry.”

“Not you,” she grit out, pressing her hand back over the clumsily-folded shirt. “Just hurts...”

He nodded, something vaguely frantic creeping into his eyes again. “We need something to hold it on, something steadier...” Another rapid scan of the room and he yanked the sheet off the bed, holding it out toward her. “Grab the corner?”

Xaeryn complied almost automatically, Red got a decent grip a few inches in, and between them they tore off a long enough strip to bind her makeshift bandage to her side.

“Now we just need to get... somewhere for help,” she said, leaning her head back against the wall and closing her eyes.

“Ryn, stay with me.” Red poked her shoulder.

She dragged her eyes open. “’M trying. ...How’re we getting to help?” They both needed it, after all, and should probably tell someone about the mess this house was now, abandoned or no. 

“However we can,” he said, giving her arm a gentle squeeze. “Hael, I”ll carry you if I have to--”

“But-” Xaeryn started to protest with a strongly dubious look at his swollen wrist.

“Pretty sure that’s just a sprain,” Red brushed it off. “It’d be fine.” 

She snorted, which hurt but was the only appropriate response to such a blatant lie. “Liefred Antiqua, if that’s a sprain, this is a papercut.”

He had the decency to give a sheepish chuckle when she broke out his full name. “I’d manage, if that’s what it took. Fortunately, there’s something else we can try first.” He took her arm and gently tugged her closer so he was supporting her rather than the wall. “It’s much faster, too.”

“Do you... d’you have the energy for that?” she mumbled, even as her head lolled toward his shoulder.

Red’s grip around her waist tightened and she’d almost swear she felt his lips brush over her temple. “Only one way to find out.”

\---

He was right--appearing out of thin air, battered and bloody, on the outskirts of a town was a very fast way to get help. It came with the watchful presence of a guard or two, but their Shepherd badges alleviated suspicion to the point that presence was more cursory than anything.

In a huge stroke of luck(or answer to prayer, but they could debate that later), the town did actually house an experienced Elae Mage. The no-nonsense Norm man _tutt_ ed and _tsk_ ed as he looked over their injuries but promised he could have them patched up in a jiffy. He paired the assurance with a wink and a smile that brought out his crow’s feet. “I’m good at what I do, enough to be cleared by the Autarchy to practice my craft, so long as I work for them and behave myself.”

 _That’s always the trick, isn’t it?_ Xaeryn thought but kept to herself.as he set to work carefully undoing her makeshift bandages.

To her relief, he was as good as his word. A scar still remained when he was done with her side, and Red’s wrist(which had been broken, and she almost smacked him for trying to downplay it) was a bit stiff, but they were in much better shape than they’d been an hour ago. The Healer still insisted on bedrest for Xaeryn, citing the copious blood loss as reason enough. “I can mend the flesh, but some things the body must do on its own, you know?”

She did know, and both of them were exhausted anyway--she really didn’t know how Red hadn’t passed out Traveling in his state--so Xaeryn didn’t even protest. She just settled into the relative comfort of the clinic bed he offered. She didn’t fight a smile when Red sat heavily on the edge of it and leaned against the wall next the her so they were shoulder to shoulder, slightly squished in the narrow space. Silence stretched between them for several long moments as they took the chance to catch their breath; comfortable but _expectant_. A decade and a half of friendship balanced on the cliff’s edge of quiet.

Red was, of course, the one to break it.”So...” he began, then trailed off, running a hand through his hair. 

Xaeryn gave a small--slightly nervous--chuckle. “So.”

He rolled his head against the wall to look over at her. “You’ve wanted to kiss me forever, huh, Ryn?”

She rolled her eyes and briefly thought about pushing him off the bed. “Forever in this case being since I was sixteen, yes. And ‘ _Ditto_ ’? You, who dated _practically everyone_ our age at the Veiled Circle, have wanted to kiss _me_ since forever?”

Red gave a sheepish chuckle. “...Yes. It’s been... _more_ since you came back through Capra and we joined the Shepherds,” he admitted, “but it’s always been there, pretty much. Since about sixteen, at least.”

“You mean we...” Xaeryn groaned, the sound turning to an almost hysterical exhausted giggle halfway through. “We’re _idiots_.”

Red snorted softly and nudged her shoulder. “No arguments here.”

“So, what was your reason for never saying anything?” she asked, idly tracing her finger back and forth against his knee.

“Same as yours, I suspect,” he said, biting back a smile. “Our friendship’s always meant a lot to me, and I didn’t want to risk-”

“-Risk messing it up,” Xaeryn finished through a yawn “You’re right; mine’s the same. I spent a sennight and a half before I left debating whether or not to say anything,” she admitted.

“So did I,” Red said ruefully. “Not that I was hoping to change your plans or anything, I just know you like making-”

“Informed decisions.” She chuckled, paused with her fingers just brushing his. “You wanted to make sure I had all the relevant facts.”

He hooked his pinkie around hers and smiled. “Something like that. But i kept chickening out. Second guessing myself. And then you left, and Tevanti named me Archmage when he died, and I figured that was that.”

“And then I came back,” Xaeryn said softly, staring at their linked fingers, remembering the slightly thunderstruck look in his eyes that day in Solhadur.

“Ten years later and all grown up,”he said just as softly.”Looking _very_ badass, by the way. And I was happy to see you, as... as an old friend. But I couldn’t help wondering, especially after... you know,” he gestured vaguely with his free hand. “everything in the Phantom Shore.”

She gave a quiet chuckle. “Ditto.”

Red turned to look at her again and she almost lifted her free hand to trace the dark circles under his eyes. “Still didn’t want to risk messing up what we have...”

“Mmhm.” Xaeryn shifted to better face him, bending in her knees so her feet didn’t hang off the end of the bed. “Our friendship’s very important. Precious. We wouldn’t want to gamble it without being sure there’s a chance...”

“So we dance around it and drop hints,” he murmured, leaning closer. “Guess one of us is just going to have to be the brave one.”

She mirrored the shift as she pointed out, “I thought I already did th-”

Red kissed her.

Xaeryn smiled as she leaned into it, felt him do the same. They savored it, hands cupping each other’s faces, stealing quick breaths before going for more. It only broke because Red started to fall off the edge of the bed and jolted back, throwing out an arm to keep his balance. They both laughed at that; the soft giddy, _knowing_ one they’d shared over a dozen or more inside jokes since sixteen.

“Probably just as well,” Xaeryn sighed, nodding toward the window and purpling sky outside. “We both need rest.”

“Mm-hm,” he agreed, rubbing his eyes. “Guess I’ll have to figure out where I’m sleeping...”

“Just stay. For now, at least,” she said. She squeezed his hand. “We’ll both fit.”

Red arched a skeptical brow, glancing at the way their feet were almost hanging off various edges, one of his actually braced against the floor after his near-tumble. “I don’t think we will, Ryn. It looks barely big enough to fit _you._ ”

“That’s my point; if I’d have to sleep half-folded anyway, might as well do it half-siting up with you for company.” Besides, she’d miss the warmth of his side pressed to hers too much.

“The curse of being tall?” he said with a wry laugh and glib tone of one similarly familiar with said “curse”.

“Pretty much,” Xaeryn said with a matching laugh, sitting forward to share one of her pillows with him. “At least it means I grew into my ears.”

He smiled at her tone. “You know, I never even noticed.”

She grinned and tugged an earlobe. “And if you’d said _anything_ to that effect when we were younger, we wouldn’t have had to wait so long for me to kiss you,” she teased.

“Better late than never?” Red offered through a yawn.

“True.” Just looking at how tired he was made her yawn, too, and Xaeryn settled even more, feeling the tug of sore muscles around her new scar as she leaned more heavily on his shoulder. “It’s not like this is the _worst_ place either of us has fallen asleep, either.”

“Mm.” Red squeezed her hand and shot her a teasing grin. “At least this one you won’t have to spend an hour picking twigs out of your hair...”

She swung her free arm to lightly smack him center of the chest. “You’re never letting me live that down, are you?”

“You almost landed on top of me, Ryn. No, no, I’m not.”

She was laughing as she whacked him again. “Bastard. “There was no heat behind the insult, and she nestled her head against his shoulder. “I suppose we can talk more in the morning about... us After we figure out how to tell both Blade and our would-be ally there’s no more artifact.”

Red groaned as he leaned his head against the wall. “Can’t we skip those? There’s a couple conversations I’m not looking forward to having.”

“Oh, me, neither,” Xaeryn agreed, her thumb rubbing over the heel of his hand as she fought down the rising bitterness of failing. “I’m not sure which will be less pleasant; Blade or the mysterious intended “ally”. Which is why we’re putting it off until tomorrow, but having that discussion _before_ we can talk about _ **us**_. It’s incentive.”

“Good idea.”

“I am the smart one,” she said lightly.

“That’s not what you said earlier,” Red chuckled in reply as he kissed the top of her head.

“I was trying to make you feel better,” she deflected with a smile. “You were looking all panic-stricken and all.”

“Hey, you were in pretty bad shape, I think I’m allowed, Xaer,” he said warmly, jaw cracking as he yawned again.

Xaeryn laughed and snuggled closer, letting her eyes drift closed. “G’night, Red.”

“Night, Ryn.” His breathing slowed almost immediately, body pressed warm against hers, and their hands still tangled together.

 _Out like a light_ , she thought with a fond smile. Not that she could blame him. Today had been... _eventful_. Half-asleep herself, she brought their hands up so she could brush a light kiss against his knuckles(purely because she _could_ now), then let them settle back on the bed, still joined, as she followed Red’s example and drifted off to sleep.

No one liked failure, her even less than most. But if this was what she got out of today’s, Xaeryn was fairly sure she could live with it.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, they wake up bc one of them(probably Red) starts to fall off the bed. Yes, they’re a bit sore. No, neither of them care.


End file.
